A Quick Update

I logged into this account after a long time. A Lot has happened in the past many weeks. After I wrote this post, the very evening my guy called up. He had told his parents long back!!!! In fact his parents were so happy that he has chosen me! 🙂 He had not told me about this because he wanted me to concentrate on applications and get admits so that I can finally go to where he is.  Of course I fought with him and told him that he not telling me what happened, really scared the hell out of me. He is a great guy and I so totally love him, head over heels.

Things are going great and we are really understanding each other and being there in one another’s life. I also have great news! I got selected in a Top University in USA and one more admit as well in another good university. I am still waiting for my 8 other admission results. Once I get all my results, I would choose the best University and get started with my next phase of studying and getting into job.

My guy has been totally supportive of my wishes and has been one the most important reasons for getting the admit. I am so happy!

Stay tuned for more updates, later!

Excruciating Pain

I cant bear it anymore. Its paining a lot and tears keep coming in. Why does it always have to be so painful? Why is “love” not the easiest thing on earth? I am feeling so lost and depressed. So ALONE. Desperately trying to keep this stress, tension and pain in my heart and pretend to be normal. I have quit my job and have completely stopped applying for college. Everything has come to a stand still. Added to that the guy was supposed to ask his dad a long time ago. Have spoken to him a dozen times and something is stopping him. Why won’t his parents agree to everything he wants? From yesterday night till now I have been in tension. There has been no talk from his side about it till now. Why doesn’t he understand how much this kill me. Not knowing the plight of my future is so scary, that I am crying like a river now. I just screamed at mom, and hurt her. I know my punishment from God is waiting for me, for doing this today. There are no friends, no body, to whom I can share my pain or to find solace. I no longer wish to ask him if his dad said okay. I feel stupid and hurt. The very fact that he has not called me or even texted me about what happend is a clear indication that his dad has not been okay. This is KILLING ME. Why can’t I have a peace of mind? Why can’t I get a guy, whose parents just accept me with no questions asked. Why can’t I feel great? Why me? Why are other girls who give more importance to looks, money, astrology and caste, get things their way and are leading happy lives. Why me, who gives importance to love, doesn’t get what she wants in life. Why this tension? Why this heart pain? No answers. I don’t want to talk to anyone and just be alone for a long long time. I just want to sleep forever and never wake up in this ugly horrible world, which has lot of pain waiting for me always.

Why I love my guy

Because he is very very special, and unlike any other guy I have ever met. I, right now, feel so lucky, that he chose me and is really in love with me. Yesterday I had to go to the hospital and in all the panic I just wanted him yo be with me. He had travelled so far to attend an alumni meeting in his under graduate college. I had called him, crying, as soon as he reached his college. He has dropped everything for me and came rushing to the hospital. He was completely there for me, and in fact when I requested him to pay the bill using his card, for the medicines, he did not even think twice. Mom and me took a few thousand bucks, but because we were asked to take X ray and pay doctor fees, we didn’t have enough cash in hand right then. While he took care of the medicine bills, I and mom went ahead to get me injected by the nurse there, it was painful. But since my darling was around, I stopped panicking. I felt  I was in safe hands and that he would take care of everything. Finally he dropped me and mom at a restaurant where we had to go to keep a personal commitment. I asked him to get down the car, wanting to hug him and say thanks to him for being such a nice guy. I also realised that I truly madly deeply love him and trust him with my life. I am indebted to him and wish to make him the happiest man in the world.

Welcome 2013

Happy New Yeaaaaar… I feel like shouting this to the whole world! 😀

I finally did off with my most important bucket list item – QUIT MY COMPANY. I still can’t believe that I have submitted my resignation form on the 31st of 2012! Well, it was coming. I was growing more and more frustrated with my job and at one point I started wondering where my life was heading. Only now, after quitting, I feel that I have got my freedom back. Some free time for myself, to do things that I love doing.

The eve of New Year was quite nice, well spent with my family and loved one. I feel good. I hope that this year is the beginning of many new and wonderful things. I seek God’s blessings for making this year a good one for each one of us.

NY2013

Applications, applications and more applications

Never did I think that I would get up at 3:30 AM and fill applications. But this is a different phase of life, missed out by many of my peers. While most of my friends are settled in IT companies, I felt I could not fit in there. I like using computers in a different way, to develop useful meaningful products, not keep doing changes to existing projects, over and over again. At one point I started feeling useless. I felt that I have accomplished nothing in the past 3 years, except for some social service in human and animal welfare. So here I am, planning to travel to the other end of the planet, just like that, and going to live with new people. I have applied to three colleges for Graduate programs and anxiously waiting for results. This is a big decision that I have made, but I am following my intuition and right now it tells me to go for it.

Why is life sad?

I am sad now and I don’t know why! And this blogging world sure is a lonely place. I thought I would be enthralled to be here, was dreaming during my studying days to come here and begin a new life. But now that the exams are over, here I am, absolutely clueless and unhappy. I need to sit and think why am I unhappy. Is it loneliness? Growing up into an adult? Life becoming too serious. The endless list of conflicts and problems with various people around me? Others getting hurt by me and me hurting others? I simply don’t know! But it sure does make your heart feel heavy? Sometimes I am worried if I am heading for a even more lonely life, towards a graduate program in a strange city, where I may not find good friends and will suffer in loneliness. OH GOD! The very thought of it is so scary.

Just wanted to talk here because there is no one else right now to listen.

IF by Rudyard Kipling

This wonderful poem is worth mentioning in this blog! Awesome awesome awesome!! If you are wondering who Rudyard Kipling is, he is the author of the Jungle book series!

IF

RK

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build’em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling
PS: Good news is that I am finally done with my first college application! One nightmare process is over! Yahoooooo!!